Ask The Preacher's Wife: Help! I Have Faith And I’m Still Afraid
“Dear Lady Mel,
I can’t lie! This Coronavirus pandemic is scaring me. Yes, I’m a Christian. Yes, I have faith. Yes, I believe God will heal our land. But I’m terrified. I have older parents, my children are home from school indefinitely.
I have been made to feel like my feelings aren’t valid, and if I am afraid, I lack faith in God! But how is that true? If I make a comment on Facebook, I get replies of scripture and am told “If you pray, don’t worry and if you worry, don’t pray”.
I am terrified and I need help!”
Hey LaDonna,
The truth is, I think you are saying what so many people feel, and I'm grateful for your transparency.
Also, let me acknowledge your feelings of fear and anxiety. Both feelings are real and valid at a time like this.
While we have used humor in the post What We Ain’t Gone Do: Church And Coronavirus to lighten the mood, it’s important that we also address the seriousness of what is happening in the world around us.
In December 2019, I wrote a blog post entitled When The Joy Of Jesus Is Not Enough. I addressed depression, grief, and anxiety, and the importance of being able to share those truths in a safe space. This is still very necessary, especially during this COVID-19 pandemic.
Our world is at a place where the future is unknown. Our country, along with many other countries, are scrambling to respond to unprecedented events, leaving so many people with feelings of hopelessness and fear.
And then comes the church!
If we’re gonna keep it 100, the church has been divided as we all face the unknown. As folk began to address fear, others came with their churchy one-liners, which has caused folk to feel insignificant and invisible. I’ve heard it all in the last few weeks:
If you pray, don’t worry. If you worry, don’t pray!
Read Psalm 91 (You can’t even type it out Mother Jenkins?)
Only weak-minded people with no faith cancel church
We bind the spirit of Corona and prophetically declare and decree that it be cast back to the burning pits of hell (Followed by typing in tongues on Facebook)
If you can go to the grocery store, you can come to church.
While all of that is fine and dandy, (well, not the binding the Corona spirit, because it’s a virus and not a spirit) we’ve missed the opportunity to have REAL conversations to address folks’ REAL feelings.
So, let’s take some time and address it here!
Fear
Fear is a physiological response to some type of perceived harm. It is what has helped us survive as humans for millions of years. When we sense fear, we are biologically programmed to make a decision to “fight”, “flee” or “freeze”.
Do you recall being in a scary situation? I have!
A few months ago, I went out to my parked car in the drive way. My intuition told me to turn around, and when I did, a woman was walking towards me from the back of our house.
My adrenaline started rushing through my body and I had to make an immediate decision to either “fight”, “flee”, or “freeze”.
Within 2.5 seconds, I realized the woman did not pose a threat so I didn’t run (flight). But the North Philly in me was ready to swing on her (fight).
Note: The Holy Ghost stopped me from beating the woman down.
Clearly, she was homeless and The Preacher and I decided we needed to assist her. We were able to find out that she was a regular in the neighborhood and had substantial mental health issues. Eventually, we were able to connect her with her family who lives in the city.
But, the point is; fear helped me protect myself from being harmed.
Fear is necessary. Fear is not the devil. Fear is not indicative of a lack of faith!
While fear is a natural bodily response, we are not designed to remain in a constant state of fear. When this happens, fear quickly turns into stress and anxiety.
Anxiety
Anxiety is another normal biological response. Along with fear, anxiety helps to keep us safe from harm. When anxiety occurs without the presence of fear, it induces feelings of worry or nervousness.
Again, like fear, anxiety is normal. Worrying about stressful situations does not indicate a lack of faith. However, remaining in a constant state of anxiety produces uncontrollable worry, changes in sleep patterns, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and can lead to panic attacks and a more severe diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
As a Christian who is working to manage anxiety, I have found that anxiety comes from me thinking about the future without the presence of God!
Repeat that with me!
Anxiety comes from thinking about the future without the presence of God!
As I recounted in my blog post, I Got Fired And It Saved My Life, anxiety had consumed me in the final months of my employment. I spent many nights agonizing about future events. I’d lie awake searching for answers for what might happen.
One night, as I prayed and cried, God spoke to me and said:
If I am with you in the future, you have nothing to worry about.
Say what Jesus?
In that moment, as I thought about what could or would happen, I imagined God standing right beside me. I did this as often as my mind began to drift into unknown territory, and every time I pictured God right beside me in the future, my anxiety would slowly dissipate.
By the time I was terminated, I already knew it was coming. And when it happened, I knew God was right there with me.
How do I know?
Because girl, Melanie wanted to flip tables and tear up the room I was standing in! BUT, the Spirit of God kept me in that moment and He has kept me in every situation following the termination.
Faith In The Midst Of Fear And Anxiety
Again, fear and anxiety are normal physiological functions of the human body. However, we were not designed to constantly be in a state of panic and stress caused by fear and anxiety because of what it does both physically and spiritually.
Listen, as African Americans, we have had to adapt to fear and anxiety while living in these United States. Therefore, we have not always had the time to process our feelings about fear because we have had to struggle to simply survive.
From the trans-Atlantic slave trade to chattel slavery. From share-cropping to Jim Crow, from Separate But Equal to The War On Drugs, From the Crack Epidemic to Mass Incarceration, we have had to bottle up our fears, pray and press!
Therefore, we shouldn’t be offended when we hear our elders insisting that all we need is prayer to survive. They know this, because it’s tried and true. Prayer works!
AND…we also now realize that we have the space and opportunity with trained mental health professionals in OUR communities to address our fears and worries.
Jesus AND Therapy!
But here’s the truth, our faith doesn’t end or begin with our emotions or our mental stability.
Our faith, is based on the belief that Jesus, the living incarnation of God, came, lived, was crucified, dead, and buried, was resurrected on the 3rd day, and ascended into heaven to sit with God. THAT’S your faith. DASSIT! It’s that cut and dry.
Our faith allows us to go to God with our questions, fears and concerns.
Have you ever read David’s response to God in the Book of Psalms? Starting around Psalm 140? Yo...David was HOT with God and he made it crystal clear.
David was trapped in a cave and was basically like “God you see me down here struggling in this hot, stank cave, and you’re just gonna let me sit up in here and let my enemies find me and kill me?”
Ok, I’m paraphrasing, but I’m sure David was not calm. David was in the midst of anxiety, fear, and panic.
But the important part to remember is this, at the end or beginning of each psalm, David still blessed God for being God!
Let me reiterate this:
After we share our fears, worries, anxiety, concern, anger, sadness and grief with God, it is important that we still acknowledge that God is still God!
Operating In Faith In The Midst Of COVID-19
So, now what?
I’m glad you asked! Here’s a few ways you can maintain normal levels of fear and anxiety in the midst of this pandemic.
One: Prayer and Meditation
It is so important that we spend time daily with God. First, when we communicate with God we get centered and grounded in the word of God. Spend time in prayer. Spend time in silence as you hear from God. And, spend time in the word.
This not only allows you to be intimate with God, but it also allows you the opportunity to grow. In the face of life’s issues, we have to be able to rely on God’s word. When you study God’s word, you can understand the context, purpose, and intended application for your life.
So, even when anxiety rises up in your spirit, you can remember that Paul told the Philippians:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hears and minds through Christ Jesus”- Philippians 4:6-7
Two: Take Time To Process What You Are Feeling
Talking about what you are experiencing is not wrong. Find a prayer partner, talk to your pastor (as long as your pastor isn’t ignorantly saying fear means you don’t have faith) or a trusted friend/mentor, and talk about your current mental state.
Also, get a journal and write down how you feel. This will allow you to keep track of your mood, and is another way to release your feelings so they are not bottled up inside.
In times of uncertainty, it’s normal to feel afraid and/or anxious. However, we can’t stay in that place for extended periods of time. Let it go!
Three: Praise God In The Midst Of The Storm
Sometimes in the midst of chaos and panic, it’s so easy for us to forget who God is. Keep your eyes focused on Him.
Even in your uncertainty, say it out loud: “God, I trust you”
Even in the midst of fear, say it out loud: “God I know the plans you have for me are to prosper me”
Even when you can’t see what God is doing, say it out loud: “God, by faith I know I’m healed”.
In the event you feel you are having a panic attack, the use of repetative phrases can help “center” you and refocus your mind on reality. This is why it’s important to be centered in the word of God!
First, begin to control your breathing. Take deep breaths in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Secondly, center yourself by repeating scripture or affirmations aloud. Finally, remind yourself that in the present moment, you are not in any danger.
Four: Disconnect
Do not allow yourself to be sucked into the 24-hour news cycle. And for the love of Jesus, take multiple breaks from social media and the “experts” on law, politics, science, and medicine.
Everyday, the sick-tolls rise. Everyday, the president makes a statement that has often caused more panic. Everyday, we hear about the death rates around the world. We are officially living in space where we can become completely consumed if we are not careful.
Take the time to go outside ALONE for a walk. Try a new hobby. Exercise (that’s for you, not me. Ha!) Take a nap. Enjoy time with your family and friends. Daydream about your last trip to the beach.
Also, disconnect from people, places and things that cause you emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual pain.
Five: Jesus AND Therapy
In the same way that you ensure your physical body is fit, you MUST ensure that your mental/emotional health is fit. If anxiety, fear, or anything else is causing you significant distress in your everyday functioning, FIND A THERAPIST. This does not make you any less of a Christian.
Also, most therapists have switched to a tele-health system to communicate with clients during this period of social distancing.
Well sis, there you have it! We can be afraid and still have faith, while still knowing that God is with us!
Because we have survived so much as a people, I know God will bring us through this.
Peace, love and prayers of safety to you, your family and your community!
We got this!
Lady Mel
“Let’s check in with one another. How are you all doing during this COVID-19 crisis? How are you finding ways to exercise your faith? Comment below!”
