Ask The Preacher's Wife: "How Can I Stay Saved, Single AND Sanctified"?

Ask The Preacher's Wife: "How Can I Stay Saved, Single AND Sanctified"?

“Dear Lady Mel,

You and your husband make such a cute couple. You both seem so happy and it’s clear that you love each other. I’m trying to stay “SAVED” and “SINGLE” until I meet my future husband, so we can be the perfect couple like you and your husband. What can I do?”
— CM

Dear CM,


“Perfect Couple”


(Wiping Real Tears) Ok, I think I’ve gotten that gut-wrenching laugh out of my system. I’m not laughing at you…ok, I’m kinda laughing at you, but only at the “perfect couple” caption.

Let me be the FIRST to say, we are NOT perfect. In fact, today is a day where I really don’t like the Pastor (he probably doesn’t like me too much either)*KANYE SHRUG* I LOVE him, but he is not my favorite right now.

But, I digress…on to your question.

If you are anything like I was as a single person, you are probably a hot mess! And I mean that with all love.

I was literally a mess. I had read every book ever written about “How To Get A Husband”, including my favorite Liberated Through Submission: God’s Design For Freedom In All Relationships. I got dressed up (including a Spanx and makeup) to run errands and grocery shop, because I could have met him in the produce aisle. I created accounts on EHarmony, Christian Mingle, and Plenty of Fish. And let’s not forget the prayers.

Yes…I prayed HARD. In hindsight, I can imagine Jesus saying to God the Father, “I’m trying to help her God, but she EXTRA extra”. But seriously, here’s what is sounded like.

“Dead Lord, if you really love me and you want me to live saved and holy, then you will send me my husband NOW. I mean, you don’t want me to become a fornicator do you? It’s up to you God. Aren’t you tired of me asking the same thing? Well, with all due respect Lord, if you’d just send me my husband, then I won’t ask anymore...oh, and I promise to serve you all the days of my life and dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
— Your humble, dear, sweet, child!

Ok, maybe the prayers weren’t THAT dramatic, but to say I never tried to bribe God would be a total lie.

The books weren’t working. The prayers weren’t working. I wanted a husband! PERIOD!

And then, something happened!

I had lunch with two of my good friends from high school. Both of them successful black women who were out here making serious #BlackGirlMagic, both married with children. And as usual, I was complaining about not having a man.

One of my girls said:

“You know what? Last week I had a breakdown in the kitchen. I am the first to wake up, and the last to go to sleep. I was exhausted. And in that moment in the kitchen, I realized that I had run out of wheat bread, and would be fined by the daycare for packing a lunched deemed not nutritious”

I stared at her like she had lost her mind. I felt empathy for her. And at that very moment, The Holy Spirit convicted me. Right there in the restaurant.

I realized that I was not living. I was so focused on having a husband and kids and a puppy named Princess, that I was not enjoying life, but rather stuck like a plane on the runway…WAITING.

This type of waiting was the annoying type of waiting too. You know, like the type of wait at your favorite restaurant, after you’ve fasted all day long, and now can’t wait to sample everything from the menu (I KNOW I’m not the only one who’s done that). But that type of wait is UNBEARABLE and MISERABLE.

I was miserable.

I realized that I was putting so much focus on what God was GOING to do, that I was not looking at what God was already DOING.

I was excelling in my career. I was excelling in my doctoral program. I was surrounded by loving friends and family. I was growing in my relationship with God. AND…I didn’t have to worry about taking care of a husband or children, nor did I have to worry about making sandwiches on wheat bread. I was OK. I was at peace.

That PEACE, was the most confirming thing I’d ever experienced at the time in my life. The desire to get married didn’t die. However, my focus on what was important changed. And in that season, a husband was not my focus.

In hindsight, I look back on those PEACEFUL days of being single with joy. While I love my husband, there are days when…let’s be real; I want to be single again. LOL. Marriage is not easy. In fact, Marriage Is Like That Time I Learned To Ride A Bike. But, I am grateful that God allowed my husband to find me (Yes….I said it….He FOUND me).

So, in this single season, I pray that you can redefine your purpose. Your sole purpose in life is NOT to be a wife or a husband. Take the time now to nurture your passions and develop your gifts. Because, in marriage, you need to go in knowing exactly who you are.

Peace and Love,

Lady Mel

What do you think? If you are single (and at peace), what tips can you add? If you are married, what things helped you survive your single life? Comment below.

Have a question so big you can’t ask the preacher? Click Below to “Ask the Preacher’s Wife”.

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